HoTs and DoTs: A Restoration Druid and Shadow Priest

Going Casual & Other Stuff

Orphans outside Stormwind Cathedral

And you thought Children's Week had an end date.

Well it’s been awhile, over a month in fact since I last posted. It’s strange the longer it goes without writing, the harder it has been to start again. I haven’t quit playing or anything though RL has been incredibly demanding taking up all my time of late and I’m sorry in advance that this post is going to cover some of that stuff too.

So firstly, I started a new job which was incredibly exciting because my old job was stressful, miserable and no matter what you did you never felt that it was enough.  I’m still at the same company but in a position now that lets me be a little bit more creative and actually fix issues.  My first task was to set up an internal WordPress blog so, yes definitely much more fun!

A week after I started in my brand new position I found out I was pregnant, which while exciting happened much faster than expected and made me feel a tad guilty considering I had only just stepped into a new role. At least it explained why I was nearly falling asleep at my desk every afternoon.

So I’m 10 weeks pregnant now, the morning sickness has well and truly kicked in and I’m seriously not looking forward to another 2 weeks of not being able to keep any food down and having a life that consists of getting up, going to work and then coming back home to crash…. just to begin it all again the next day.  Where is this damn pregnant glow people are always talking about?

So I had been tossing up between getting demoted to raider or going the whole hog and becoming a casual.  I wasn’t really sure which way I wanted to go, I knew I couldn’t keep being an officer it’s too much extra thought and worry.  I also know that the only part of the game that I really enjoy is raiding.  I love tackling new content, I love it when it’s hard the idea of not having that… I’m not sure whether I would still have any urge to play at all.

The straw finally broke  when an officer re-invited a friend of his back into the guild as a casual.  This friend had been a previous raider who had gquit so many times that it is a common joke within in the guild.  I think the one that is most infamous was when he quit because he couldn’t get a summon to the raid instance. So this long term, known troublemaker decided to put in an application to raid with us.  His avatar was disgraceful and Xeppe has already talked about similar ones in her post here. Basically it’s a gif of a woman unzipping her top until her breasts jiggle out.  Seriously why someone would think that was a suitable avatar to use when applying to a guild I can’t fathom. On a side note what probably annoys me more is the same person who chooses to use that completely sexist avatar, thinks it’s appropriate to kick a person from their old guild for making a racist comment to another person.  Why is it ok to be sexist but not ok to be racist?  Surely they are both unacceptable and should be dealt with accordingly?

As a girl it can be really difficult to deal with situations like these.  You say something to the guy and you’re seen as overly sensitive.  You don’t say anything and you feel like your encouraging this sort of behavior to the guild in general.  The third option I considered was finding a picture of a really gross penis and fighting fire with fire.  I decided the chances of this backfiring were too high (and besides who wants to look at a penis avatar really?) and instead put in officer that it was offensive and could someone (I really didn’t care which of the guys) ask him to change it.  I completely snapped the next day when I went to respond to his application with some questions because I’m all for believing people have rehabilitated.  He changed his avatar to a little box that read:  Oh dear, sorry I offended you… NOT.

So that was it, the final straw, an officer “disagreement” was had over how the avatar change had been handled and I decided then and there to just go casual.

So what am I going to do now?

Well to be honest I expect that the next 2-3 weeks will continue to be a write off with no game time.  I’m hoping after that I can perhaps actually finish leveling Pixii or perhaps work on Loremaster before Cataclysm launches.

As much as I am really disappointed with the raiding changes on the horizon these will probably in the long run work in my favor and I’m half thinking that next year will see me on a US server raiding in a 10 man guild during the day while bub is asleep.  I’d be interested in hearing how other WoW mum’s handle raiding with newborns if we have any readers that fit the description. Advice would be much appreciated!

39 Responses to “Going Casual & Other Stuff”

  1. Women are becoming closer to equal every day. Sexism is the last stand of the sexists.

  2. BeruthielNo Gravatar says

    WoW! That’s a lot going on. Big GRATS!!! :)

    I would have seriously found a picture of…say…a Lorena Bobbit and posted it ;-) I’m sure your point would have gotten across!

    • LathereNo Gravatar says

      Thanks Beru :) I have to admit as much as I have seriously questioned why I was crazy enough to want to go through this I haven’t had too many murderous thoughts about my other half yet! Actually to give him credit he’s been really amazing – getting up and making me toast in the morning so i can eat it lying down, getting my hair bands and tying my hair back when I’m throwing up etc etc. I have real respect for single women who manage to do this without help I don’t think I would have coped!

  3. XeppeNo Gravatar says

    Huge congratulations. Very exciting news. I started to feel the glow at about week 14 . .

    Two of my friends rolled hunters while they were home on Mat leave. One now raids exclusively on that hunter. I’m told that breastfeeding while playing is made easier by the availability of auto-shot.

    Re the avatars, I’m not into the approach of behaving just as badly as the guys. It doesn’t feel like the right solution. But then a proper feminist wouldn’t just put up with it either. So I guess I tend to wimp out.

    Can I though, beg for forgiveness for the Frostwolf. He has a heart of gold. (And a short-fuse temper and an overt breast-fetish.) Possibly he’s never done anything for you that would make you want to forgive him, or overlook his more challenging moments. But for me he has been kind and supportive well above and beyond what I have deserved. He really is a lovely guy.
    .-= Xeppe’s last blog: Being Raid Prepared =-.

    • Oh Lath, I have absolutely nothing constuctive to add except… I’m so happy for you and your growing future geek-kid!
      .-= Miss Medicina’s last blog: That’s What She Said =-.

    • LathereNo Gravatar says

      I’ve actually met the offender in real life a couple of times and on a personal level am quite fond of him. Saying that though i think officers have to make the right decision based on the 30+ raiders who are in a team not what you as an individual want to do. Thankfully now I don’t have to worry about it as I’m a free agent again and don’t have to make decisions on behalf of everyone, and I’m not the type to hold grudges – life is too short!

  4. VidyalaNo Gravatar says

    Lath! I am so sorry about your experience with the offensive avatar. I’ll admit to having seen similar ones on raiding guild sites and being completely turned off of them – if it was someone already in the guild I thought, “Not going to be happy here.”

    THAT aside, I am so happy for you about your pregnancy! Congratulations. I don’t have any advice to offer whatsoever, but I’m glad to hear from you that you are doing okay (if tired, as making a person might do, I suppose). Congrats! :D
    .-= Vidyala’s last blog: Knowing When It’s Time To Let Go =-.

    • LathereNo Gravatar says

      Thanks Vid :) I just wish someone had explained to me exactly how tired you got while growing a little being! I’m just glad I have an office job I don’t know how chefs or people in hospitality could manage it!

  5. KaeNo Gravatar says

    1) Grats on new job! Work is such an important aspect of life, and can make life miserable if the job’s stressful.

    2) CONGRATS on the baby! I hope the morning sickness gets better!

    3) I’m shocked you didn’t g-quit over the avatar crap. If it was sent to your fellow officers and handled in that way, clearly they (the ones who wanted it to stay AND/OR didn’t care about the altered text) also have no respect for you nor any other woman in the guild, let alone any of the males who also found it inappropriate. If that’s the way a guild is headed, I wouldn’t want to be any part of its tag and its childishness.

    I was once in a guild that I could see something similar possibly happening in: it had its helping of immature brats who thought the world revolved around them. If I’d made it known that it was offensive to me (or that they were being cruel/disrespectful/whatev) and then they rudely rubbed it in my face with a “NOT sorry,” then I’d make a stand. “It’s me or him; he removes it and sincerely apologizes or I’m gone.” I was well-liked and respected enough that such a situation would’ve gone my way.

    Hopefully your former officer-buddies will sort things out, but I can’t imagine hanging around in a guild chat made toxic by someone who thinks it’s funny to be disrespectful to you.


    • LathereNo Gravatar says

      Thanks Kae – I’m hoping the morning sickness gets better soon too!

      I actually did consider gquitting, not over the avatar but over stuff that I kinda glossed over in this post. In the end I decided there were 30 odd people I really love vs 1 person whose a dickhead… using the ignore feature would be an easier option. I think there are few 25 man guilds who are as mature and friendly as Vitare – I certainly have never been in a guild with so many people I got along with, the thought of having to go hunt for another one now just seems too risky.

      Hopefully if I come over to a US server next year to play during the day some bloggers will be able to suggest so good ones to me!

  6. TamNo Gravatar says

    Wow, congratulations – on the new job and the new sproutling.

    Also I’m sorry the avatar thing was handled so badly, by both your officers and the guildie in question. Of course, neither sexism nor racism should be okay – or any kind of ism really. It must be so difficult to speak out against these things, for all the reasons you mentioned, I just wish people would learn to handle it better.

    My avatar on our guild forums is a kobold – and he’s certainly not unzipping anything :)
    .-= Tam’s last blog: The princes’ bollocks =-.

    • LathereNo Gravatar says

      Thanks Tam :) I agree all isms are just wrong, thankfully I come across them so rarely I think its why when I do see it happen it pisses me off so much more. Society is so global today it’s sad that people still can’t embrace differences and be accepting of individuals. I really hope things are different by the time by bub hits adulthood.

  7. zelmaruNo Gravatar says

    Glow? I never got no stinkin glow. Though thankfully, the morning sickness did subside.

    I actually wrote an article about “balancing it all” a while back. As for balancing a newborn on your lap and breastfeeding while raiding… yep, you can do that too.
    .-= zelmaru’s last blog: “Zomg WTF happened to my Grid and Plugins?” you might ask =-.

    • LathereNo Gravatar says

      I am starting to have a sneaking suspicion that glow is one of those urban myths that has happened to your sister’s friends cousin but no one you actually know has ever experienced. Thank you for the article link – I actually read and commented on it when first published I still don’t quite know how I’ll manage to juggle but I sure am going to try! Thankfully in Australia you get 52 weeks of leave (most unpaid though) so I’ll have time during the day when I’m home alone and bub is asleep that I can get online. I was thinking that a portacot in the study could perhaps work so I can keep a close on on bub while playing and I’m thinking a PVE server might be necessary so there is no ganking when I have to just get up in the middle of no where to look after baby.

  8. RedbeardNo Gravatar says

    A week after I started in my brand new position I found out I was pregnant, which while exciting happened much faster than expected and made me feel a tad guilty considering I had only just stepped into a new role. At least it explained why I was nearly falling asleep at my desk every afternoon.

    Congrats! Judging from my wife’s experiences with pregnancy (and those of our friends), it never happens when you expect it. If it did, you wouldn’t have that “surprise!” effect.

    Where is this damn pregnant glow people are always talking about?

    It happens after the morning sickness. For our three, the morning sickness got progressively worse each time (from almost none to a moderate amount), so the glow kicked in later in the pregnancy.

    Sorry to hear about your dealings with Mr. Annoying; sometimes you have to wonder what on earth people are thinking, because it’s not like this sort of thing won’t get around on the ‘net. Then again, someone who picks an avatar like that is just looking to have trouble at work and home. Those people are the sort that give HR employees real headaches.

    I’d be interested in hearing how other WoW mum’s handle raiding with newborns if we have any readers that fit the description. Advice would be much appreciated!

    In our guild we have a pair of new parents (husband and wife are both guildies). Since it’s kind of hard to keep raiding given the unpredictable wakeup schedule of a newborn, she’s gone heavily into working on Loremaster. The stop and start at your own pace of questing suits her sudden change of status better than anything else at the moment. She’s tried her hand at some of the Northrend 5-mans, but only when she’s certain that her daughter won’t be awake or won’t fuss. I suspect that when the kid settles into a normal schedule she’ll return to raiding, but right now things are too much in flux.
    .-= Redbeard’s last blog: Where the greener is grass =-.

    • LathereNo Gravatar says

      Thanks Redbeard :) Oh dear don’t tell me morning sickness could get worse next time round :( I’ve already told my other half I am not working full time when we try again, working and trying to participate in meetings when all I want to do is hurl has just been the most miserable experience. They did think I possibly had a vanishing twin because my hormone levels have been stupid high so I’m hoping that’s why the morning sickness has been so terrible and next time round it wont be too bad.

      • RedbeardNo Gravatar says

        Oh yeah, I know what you mean by wanting to hurl in that situation. Okay, I don’t, but my wife does. I do know from talking with our friends with kids that it does vary from pregnancy to pregnancy.

        Also, my wife developed a reaction to MSG on our third kid, which aggravated the morning sickness situation. Once the kid was born, the allergy went away. (Both mother and daughter love Chinese food, so go figure.)

        Oh, and my wife wanted me to pass along her congrats too.

        .-= Redbeard’s last blog: Where the greener is grass =-.

  9. ambientNo Gravatar says

    Wow, I’m so with Kae. Your decision was to go casual and still share a guild tag with this guy?? I guess dropping officership removes your ability to fight against his admittance, so yeah, not raiding is one way to avoid face-time with him. But GEEZ…I’d be going casual in a different guild TYVM.

    I am frequently tickled pink (pun unintended!) that my guild is headed by lesbians. ; )

    • LathereNo Gravatar says

      As I said in my reply to Kae I couldn’t judge the 30 odd great people because of a bad egg or 2. When I feel better and start getting online again if it still bothers me I might reconsider and leave but I’m hoping that wont be necessary!

  10. BriNo Gravatar says

    Congratulations Lathere! I’m so happy for you!
    .-= Bri’s last blog: The Ant and the Grasshopper =-.

  11. MetaneiraNo Gravatar says

    Wow, I keep forgetting how good I currently have it in my current guild: we’re very feminist, very inclusive, and crap like that will get shot down by officers, men and women alike. I would have difficulty putting up with that kind of stuff now, after having such a safe place for so long.

    Congratulations on the pregnancy! I’m sure Glowing Aura will be cast on you very soon.

  12. ZyNo Gravatar says

    Congratulations on the pregnancy! I’m afraid I was sick the entire time with mine and never felt like I was glowing. I bet yours will be much smoother though!

    I started playing WoW when the kiddo was six months old. The first three months are going to be a blur anyway, after that you start getting your feet under you and a grip on things. Planning on going for Loremaster is a good idea, your time online will be random and will unexpected end before you were hoping. Everyone thinks I am crazy because I have four toons with fishing maxed out but it is a very baby/toddler friendly activity! So is exploring (going for a fourth Explorer title soon). A good baby carrier like a Moby Wrap and a bouncy chair or swing will be your new best friends for online time.

    Regarding Mr Annoying. . . The guy sounds like trash and needs to be recognized as such. I can’t believe your officers handled it the way they did :/

    • LathereNo Gravatar says

      Thanks Zy. It will be interesting to see how it goes with bub, I’m crossing fingers that I have a good sleeper!

  13. CassandriNo Gravatar says

    Our guild is generally filled with lovely people (boys and girls). Sometimes I think the guys just don’t really understand *why* we find certain things objectionable. Moments of clue-less-ness that inevitably become big deals.

    This was one of those moments. My reaction was simply to refuse to read any forum threat that he had contributed to and also refuse to look at his application. My main complaint with the picture – because other guild members have near-nude female avatars that are left alone without comment – was that it was both animated and overtly sexual thus impossible to ignore. And I quite happily told both the guild and this member that I would not look at anything he wrote because of his avatar in both Raid and Guild chat.

    There’s nothing wrong about being offended by offensive material. Simple as that. Furthermore putting something offensive to women in the public section of your website is going to put off up to 50% of your potential recruits. It’s bad business.

    It really was a shame that this matter was handled in the way that it was. In the end this guild member didn’t pass their trial because they got hot tempered and gquit over something else anyway.

  14. CressideNo Gravatar says

    Congrats on your pregnancy – hope it goes smoothly. FWIW, the bone-tired thing went for me at about 14 weeks.

    I don’t know what the blooming thing is though – all I can say is that I did get *warmer* towards the end – which might be where the “glow” comes from.

    And the boobjiggling avatar? Well, there is a sentence in the recruitment section of my raid guild which asks for a mature attitude – and suggests that if the applicant has a large repertoire of Essex Girl [1] jokes, this is not the place for them… By and large it works – because we try to be moderately respectable (almost family friendly) in raid guild chat channels, the rude jokes have to be far more subtle. Which is less traumatic for everyone. And since we are a multinational guild, this includes people being called out for swearing in foreign languages (whether or not they were aware of it). One raider called it “lulship” [2] meaning “lulzship” and was asked not to do that again….

    [1] not sure if this translates to other countries.
    [2] that would be Dutch for dick, of course…

  15. AnachanNo Gravatar says

    Congrats! All my kids were born and at least a year old by the time WoW started, so I can’t help you with the “how to play as a new mom” question. I can, however, empathize with the morning sickness.

    For me, what really helped morning sickness when I was working (first 2 pregnancies) was to nibble soda crackers. I know, you don’t feel like eating at all, but having something on the stomach really does help.

    It wasn’t until my 3rd child that I discovered half of my problem: prenatal vitamins. At the time, they dumped a whole lot of iron into the system all at once. I stopped taking them, taking instead a regular multi-vitamin and a time-release iron vitamin, with my doctor’s approval. I had not a day of sickness after that. (Ok, the occasional queasiness, but not full-blown, gotta-run-to-the-restroom sickness. . . . my last two pregnancies confirmed this . . . yes, I have 5 . . .) It’s something to check out, anyway–see if your prenatal vitamins are time-release or not.

    Good luck! Hopefully the sickness will go away quickly and you’ll be able to settle down to enjoying the pregnancy more. It really is a memorable time.

  16. AngelyaNo Gravatar says

    I have no useful advice to add, but I wanted to say Congratulations on both job and the lil one on the way :)
    .-= Angelya’s last blog: Well Played =-.

  17. LarísaNo Gravatar says

    A latecoming: grats to the job and the pregnancy!
    About the avatar incident… I know what you mean. It’s hard to decide where to draw the limit. But it has to be drawn somewhere. And you don’t want to be THAT bitch and yet… oh well.

    I hope you’ll find a way to combine job, motherhood and playing WoW in a way that is interesting and fun in Cataclysm – even though it might be hard to be on the bleeding edge of raiding. But on the other hand – bleeding edge of being a parent is really soo much more epic.


  18. JorgeNo Gravatar says

    Congratulations on the little blessing! (=^.^=)

    If your thinking of a PVE server to play on i recommend US Hellscream :) – which is where i play on. You could add me to the real id thingy or like people are calling it facebook for wow, even if you don’t plan on visiting. But have to say that your site has supported me through this year and its been great to read and get replies on post, even aide when i felt so lost. My email is the one above that use to post here.

    On the other half of your topic, its annoying when people act like complete douche or not put in a serious app to guilds specially if they have previous history with the guild in question. My characters are split between two guilds. One i almost helped found and another i joined to raid. So i have seen quite a bit about the rude obnoxious players, though it does help being admin of the forums for the first one… and being just a member in the second one where i dont have to deal with it.

    Ironically the first months when i started moderating and managing the forums one of our guild leaders (we had 2) decided it would be fun to play with the guild invites and allow his so called “friends” join and leave our guild at their leisure, members of our guild really felt lost and confused during those days where they see this people get guild invited for raids and then leave the next off day without even an explanation they get invited back and go through the whole process again. Often happening like 3 to 7 times a week. In the guild leader mind i guess since it was his guild he was doing as he pleased. It wasn’t until we sat him down and explained about guild moral and how the members felt about his childish antics that he stopped and realized he was really annoying everyone in the guild. Luckily no harm was done, and he sort of grew up after that.

    Anyhow i hope you get to do what you want and enjoy the first years of your little one when they come.

  19. CynwiseNo Gravatar says

    Hey, congratulations! Get a good mobile client and you can blog while feeding your baby, too. I’ve written many a post with a bottle in one hand. I found it easier than raiding.

    Best wishes to you and your upcoming family!
    Cynwise’s last post: Preparing For Rated Battlegrounds

  20. natarumahNo Gravatar says

    Wow, many congratulations!

    It must be quite a turmoil with work, bun in the oven and less than fulfilling officer duties. But I hope a little cloud of a baby on the way makes things better in many ways!
    natarumah’s last post: Ruby Sanctum and you- dance- puppet dance-

  21. moggetNo Gravatar says

    Hey! great news about the family… grats!
    On the subject of avatars… i don’t have one… I guess I don’t have the skills yet to sort one out (I am a guy after all! ), but i do agree… the exhibitionism of some guys as demonstrated in their choice of avatars is deplorable, and in this case I think the sexism maybe points to something lacking in the perpetrators self image? ‘nough said!
    A question please… I am impressed with your Shadow Priest UI. Could you point me in the direction of info showing how to creat such an UI? I have seen several downlowds available from such sites as Curse, but nothing like yours.

    Good luck with your new position, and the months ahead!

    Rethand, on Suramar

  22. ZZyoNo Gravatar says

    congrats lath! i hope all goes well~
    hopefully see you in game soon hehe :D

  23. SarindreNo Gravatar says

    Congrats to you! :) Sorry to catch this so late in the game, but I was just reading back through your posts when I noticed this one. It is funny because I have a very similar story to you.

    I started a new job and a week later I found out I was pregnant. Now at 15W 5D my morning/evening/baby making me sick whenever they feel like it sickness has subsided a bit. I too took a break from 25 mans as they run from 11pm till 2am two nights a week and my insane tiredness would not let me stay up that long. I was hoping on raiding this week, but we will jsut have to see how I feel. I am lucky to have a GL/RL that understand what I am going through.

    Sorry you had to deal with a sexist jerk during this time. I too just had a brush with someone like this in my guild and it really was upsetting. I blamed how I felt mostly on horomones but I knew he was wrong for what he did and so did the GL. The type of behavior is not right, and I feel that too many get away with it so it appears “ok”.

    Hope you start feeling better soon, this first trimester is a pain in the butt. If you ever want to talk/rant to anyone (this is my first pregnancy and I know how rough it can be) just send me a mail.

    Good luck and Congrats again! :)

    • LathereNo Gravatar says

      I’m glad I’m not the only one to start a new job and then have to tell the boss, um actually I’ll be going on maternity leave in about 7 months :P My energy levels started picking up again at about 16 weeks so if your like me you should be up to raiding again over the next week or 2 though I don’t think I could raid between 11pm – 2am ever!

      Looking forward to getting the morphology/structural scan in a week and a half and hopefully being able to tell if its a boy or a girl :)

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  1. [...] magic. Maybe this will spark off some of the long term cultural change we need to make stuff like the girl-with-the-broken-zipper something the next generation of Australian young women doesn’t need to deal [...]

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