So it turns out that I may have offended the one person from our guild that reads this blog.
I’m sorry Papa. I’m sorry that so many Paladin tanks that I’ve come across in my PuGs have been bad. I’m sorry that they are lowering the standard. I’m sorry that I’ve judged them and have somehow implied that you, too, are bad.
I’m sorry that I said you weren’t as bad as your average Death Knight tank.
Here are 20 reasons why I, Cassandri, am deserving of Divine Intervention.
- I can dance (the macarena)
- I always look good (yes, even when wearing the Hellfire Peninsula quest rewards)
- I will heal you (when all the other healers die)
- I will give you tons more stamina (consider me your 3rd trinket, On Use: 4k DPS)
- I will resurrect you (and not just because someone else might teabag you if I don’t act quickly)
- I will laugh when you make fun of Lathere (even if the joke is really bad)
- I will make fun of our other tanks when they cannot tank a boss due to “fight mechanics”
- I will buy flasks listed by your alt on AH (even if they are totally overpriced)
- I will never complain about threat (I’ll let the Mages do that)
- I will never give you grief for wearing a dress or a skirt
- I will never roll on your gear
- I will never roll on your offspec gear (even the glowing Spellpower bits)
- I will not (verbally) encourage other players to raise the DKP cost when you are bidding
- I will not get upset if you hit the wrong key and get the second person on the threat table killed (especially if they are a Mage)
- I will eat your cooking (without complaint)
- I will help summon you back to the raid if you go MIA
- I have attempted tanking as a Paladin and totally sucked at it (but I do know now what Divine Plea is)
- I think Mages and Death Knights are infinitely worse than any Paladin could ever be (and I can say that because our guild Mages and DKs won’t ever read this)
- I am a Priest (and everyone knows that Paladins are part Priest, in fact, you could argue that Priests must have existed first before melee-rs even thought about studying holy “magic” so when you think about it you owe all your holy spells, which I’m sure have saved your life many many times, to the Priests who spent centuries praying in the Cathedral of Light before the first Paladin took to the battlefield)
- The Divine Intervention shield fits around me and it doesn’t really fit around Lathere in her weird druid forms *cough* moonkin *cough*